SWCAMBORNE

Seen in a local sandwich shop.

Bad photo transcription:

“What if the Hokey Pokey

really is what it’s all about.”

Benny in the Desert

In the great desert lived a band of nomads. Their leader, Benny, had risen to his rank due to his magnificent beard. His people believed a man’s strength and courage came from his beard, and thus the man with the biggest beard was their chief.

After leading the band for many years, Benny began to fell uncomfortable wearing the beard, in this hot and dusty land. He wanted to shave it off, so he called his council together to get their advice.

When he said he wanted to shave, the councilmen were shocked. One said, “Do you not remember the ancient legend, Sire. The leader who removes his beard is cursed and made into a piece of earthenware.”

Benny had heard this legend, but being a modern man, he scoffed at the tale.

Being headstrong, he went ahead and cut and scraped away his once magnificent beard. As the final whisker was cut off, a huge dust storm came up. It lasted only a few seconds, and when it cleared, there was a man-sized clay vessel where only moments before had stood their leader.

The council then knew the legend must be true. Their conclusion?

“A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.”

Bonus Pun:

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Is this vague enough?

Who is responsible?

The Crips?

The Indian With One Testicle
There once was an Indian who had only one testicle
and whose given name was ‘Onestone’. He hated that
name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally
cracked and said,’ If anyone calls me Onestone
again I will kill them!’
The word got around and nobody called
him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird
forgot and said, ‘Good morning, Onestone.’ He
jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into
the forest where he made love to her all day and
all night. He made love to her all the next day,
until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what
he promised he would do. Years went by and no
one dared call him by his given name until a woman
named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being
away. Yellow Bird , who was Blue Bird’s cousin, was
overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him
and said, ‘Good to see you, Onestone.’
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,
then he made love to her all day, made love to her all
night, made love to her all the next day, made love to
her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn’t die!

Why ???

OH, come on…. take a guess !!!

Think about it !!!

Everyone knows…

You can’t kill Two Birds with OneStone!!!

Bonus Pun:

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

Never Explain

Dogs poop outdoors.  When it happens in your neighborhood and your dog is on a leash you scoop it up with a bag and throw it in the trash.  But if you are hiking and your dog poops on the trail and isn’t on a leash there is a whole new set of problems even for a responsible dog owner.  First you might not notice it.  Second even if you put the poop into one of those little bags what do you do with the bag?  There isn’t a trash can for miles. If you try to kick it off the trail there is a a high probability you will end up with smelly shoes.  Leaving the poop on the trail create an eye and an olfactory hazard for others.  It also reinforces the opinion of people who want to restrict where dogs can be taken.

Here is a solution that will work.  Press leaves together to make a card about the size of the cover of a small paperback book.  Think about a thicker version of the seaweed paper they use for wrapping sushi.  The cards will be easy to use and will store in a small pack. After clearing the trail the poop and the scoop will both easily and invisibly biodegrade in the bushes off the trail.

Give the product a clever descriptive name like “Mountain Scoop” and sell it through pet stores.

Photo credit Does a Bear Shit in the Woods?

“A conservative is a liberal who has been mugged.”

Frank Rizzo

Mayor of Philadelphia

1920-1991

Parking places are getting smaller.  Door dings are a getting worse.  And car doors are still based on 1960′s technology.  Why not make an automatic car door that opens gently and uses sensors to stop just before it touches the car in the next parking spot.

This is a simple idea that combines two already existing products.  The automatic lift gates in high end minivans and SUVs and the proximity sensors in luxury cars.

The “AutoDoor” will make it a bit easier to park and a lot less stressful getting in and out of your car.

The most important thing it will do is will give the first luxury car company to bring it to market  a competitive advantage that will help them sell lots of cars.

“You see problems, I see opportunities.”

 Free postcards of the
food usually indicate
the marketing department
can’t find a view.